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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in xinxmemoryxofx's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
4:25 pm
myspace
hey!!!!!

ok well i'm....kinda bored i guess. idk...igot my new laptop which i am completely in love with. hehe! and also i got a myspaceso ok....if you want to see it just go to umm mummum...http://www.myspace.com/illtellyouastory/

that should be it...if not then idk...just leave me a comment then and i'll give it to you that way. i like it. its a good way to make friends. alot better than lj. which by the way newby i'm going to get you to get a myspace wether you like it or not. teehee! you'll like iiiit....you know you wiiiiill. hehe!! ugh....now my pussy cat keeps crawling on my lap and hitting the keys on here. stupid pussy! hahahahahahahahahahaha!

ok well that's just about it. i need a b/f. a good one. one that wont lie. and one that will tell me how pretty i am and kiss me when i least expect it and talk to me. just talk. i like to talk. apparently. lmao! cha cha cha....talk talk talk. ok shutting up cuz now i sound like some of those stupid bimbos and skanks at school that never know what the fuck they are talking about. oy...stupid ppl i swear to bob! ok im done

~jess~

Current Mood: teehee
Saturday, July 16th, 2005
5:24 pm
it's been forever
ok wow it's been forever since i last updated for ya'll.i'm major bored here. i don't have a computer at home. i actually haven't for a few months. i'm at chad's mommies house right now using her comp. yeah this barely ever happens. so i'm using this time to my advantage. boredom boredom boredom...oh...here you go!! somethin to say!

i figured out today that school doesn't even start for another month. ugh...kind of sux ass cuz i need something to put mymind to. i have so much to worry about this year. psat's sat's and act's. ugh!! but...i have to take them. i REALLY REALLY want to try and go to princeton.then i also need to TRY and do community service so that i have a better chance of getting into NHS.(which i REALLY want that also)

then...for the big shit...mom is pregnant. yeah...a half baby brother or sister on the way. so now we are lookin to have a new house built on a lot that we might buy in this housing area called central park. the highschool is concord but we're not gonna tell them that we are moving. i'm graduating from alb and that's the bottom line. i can't wait to move though! the one we like alot is 2 story, 3 bedrooms, 3 bath rooms, a kitchen, dining room, breakfast area, family room, living room, and a huge ass balcony over looking the staircase. i love it! i hope we move!! but they have to build the house which everything would be done in 2 months easy. so yeah...it's all good i guess.

all my love!!
Jessi

xoxoxoxxoxxoxox <3

Current Mood: nervous
Thursday, June 9th, 2005
9:13 pm
hello,
i haven't updated in FOREVER so i just got to thinking today,"hey...i need to get on to livejournal!" der! ok anywho...alot has happened since i last updated...ALOT.

lets see here. right now i'm in missouri. boring as hell and i want to go home but nobody will let me so i'm stuck in hell until nearly july!! UGH! pisses me off so bad!

something else: i haven't talked to matt since this past sunday night because he is in ohio and can't talk until this weekend. i can't wait! he sent me an email last night (cuz he finally got a hold of a computer. thank god!) and he told me how much he missed me and how bad he wants to hear my voice. i miss him alot too. i can't wait to hear his voice again. we've gotten alot closer since i last updated and i can't wait until we finally meet. which, by the way, looks like that's not happening this summer. (unless i get pissed off enough to run away) i really wish it were happening though. we had everything planned out with what we would do and it's not going to happen. so...yeah. our lives suck monkey balls. but...we love eachother. we're happy. AND OMG HE SHAVED HIS EFFING HEAD! UGH! lol. i hope he still has his facial hair goin on there....it's so hawt! lmao. aaaaanywho....

i'm bored (as usual). i forgot to bring my guitar to missouri so i can't put strings on it until i get back. sucks monkey balls again! i need to strings REALLY bad. it gets out of tune all the time and they're all worn down. oh yeah...hahahahahaha!!!! something else....

me and ulises have become better friends lately. especially after that graduation party and all. or...end of year party at miranda and julia's house. the reason why...i can't say. cuz i know...and you don't. ha! but ok...yeah. we've just been talking more. he's my big brother always and forever. we texted alot the other night cuz neither of us could sleep. i swear...i don't think he ever sleeps. lmao. but yeah...he had something to ask me so we just started talking. awwww i love him and erika! hehe. they're two of my best friends and i love them both very much. ulises went to work last night and he asked nathan about getting me a job there answering the phone or something. i think that'd be cool. uli said it only pays like 6.25 an hour but idc. a job is a job. but yeah...he told me he asked him about it and he said that they just fired two people so i should go on up there and fill out an application. but i can't! GAH! CUZ I'M STUCK HERE!!! i need a job so bad! but anywho...uli just told me that if i filled it out that i'd have a really good shot at getting the job cuz well...duh...two ppl just got fired! so yeah...it'd be fun to work with a friend but i don't think it's going to happen. sucks monkey balls again and again.

well as usual i'm making this way too long so i'm going to get off here.

all my love,
Jessica N. Hack

Current Mood: tired with a headache
Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
4:15 pm
this week so far has been SO GREAT!!!

we know how we feel about eachother, and it feels so great! we are not techinically b/f and g/f anymore....but the title doesn't matter. we like eachother ALOT, and we both can't wait to see eachother this summer. he tells me every night about how he can't wait until he can just hold me in his arms and we can talk all night long. i can't wait either!! i'm going to give my bear a huge hug and i'm NOT going to let go! (he's so beautiful)

i'm also working on this painting for art....it looks wicked awesome man!!! i've never painted something like this before and it's so...well...weird! and i love it! lol! i can't wait until i'm done so that i can see what it looks like done all together!!!

i'm very happy...things are great! this weekend is also britny's rotc thingy...i hope i can go!!! it will be alot of fun!!! lol! well going to go now.

all my love,
Jessica N. Hack

Current Mood: creative
Saturday, April 30th, 2005
8:49 pm
looooooooooooong week

hello there....i'm kinda bored i guess so i just thought i should update from this past monday or whenever it was...

this has been a REALLY long week. well...at least it sure seemed like it. on Tuesday(the 26th) me and matt decided to go out. so yeah..now we're boyfriend and girlfriend. we're really far apart but i don't care. the distance doesn't matter to me, and it doesn't seem to matter to him either. i like him alot and he says that he likes me alot too, so it's all great. i havent gotten to talk to him all day today though. :_( he had to work and i don't know when he gets off, so basicly i don't know when i'll be able to talk to him tonight if i get to talk to him at all. (i hope i'll get to!) but i can go w/o talking to him cuz i know that even if i don't talk to him that he is there. i know that he is apart of my life and that makes me really happy to know. he makes me happy, and i hope that i make him feel happy too.

anywho...life is good. school is almost over and i can't wait until it's over so that summer vacation can finally start!! school is boring...it's the same EVERY SINGLE day!! sux arse! it's ok though....gives me something to do every day. lol! on monday i don't have to go to any of my classes cuz i'm going to the mall to set up an art showcase w/ a whole bunch of people for ms. hardin. that's going to be fun. if ms. hardin lets starr and brian drive then i'm going to ride w/ them. well...starr asked me if i could so i said,"hells yeah!". lol! starr is really cool. i like talkin to her in art and everything. yeah...we hang. lmao! plus i don't want to ride w/ ms. hardin in her old truck. lol! but yeah...that'll be really fun to ride w/ her and brian. ms. hardin said that *cough* is most likely going and i asked her if i could kill him while we were there....she said,"sure you can! just don't be too loud while you're doing all that at the mall." lmao!! she's funny!

well gtg now. well..i don't really HAVE to go. but i've written enough so i'm done. nm more to say. lol!

all my love!! <3 <3

Jessica N. Hack



Current Mood: nervous
Sunday, April 24th, 2005
6:44 pm

wow i'm like...so happy right now!! lol!! i've started walking with emily that past few weeks. it's so much fun!!! we talk about all this stuff and it's like so much fun cuz we never talk that much at school because everyone always has their own stuffs going on. lol! i've been losing a shit load of weight too!! i've lost 9 pds in like...a week and a half or two weeks. yeah...it's great! i feel great! i've lost one pant size so far!!! *screams!!* YAYA!!!!! XD so happy right now!! lmao!

anywho....hmmmmmmmmm.....everything great..obviously. life is goooooood. lol! i still talk to matt dude. or...bear. yeah. lol! i started callin him that cuz he's like...built i guess you could say. well..to me he is. lmao. so i told him that he is my big teddy. lmao! when i meet him this summer he's gettin a big teddy bear hug. lol! yeah, he's great. we talk alot. we usually talk all night (mostly EVERY night) but tonight he won't be able to cuz he has school tomorrow and he has to be there at 8 and then he gets off at 11 he said. woosh! we weren't going to talk last night but he started freaking me out cuz of these random text messages he was sending me and so he called me! lol...we ended up talking from like 2 to 4:15 or so. he kept asking me these really weird questions, man!! he said they were from his friend nathan (lil 14 yr old porno child. lmao! funny funny! lol!) aw poor kid! it's ok though....ask me a question and i'll answer it. i have nothing to hide. lol

anywho...brit wrote kinda about this in her lj about our hn civ/eco project and everything. yeah, and we had a test too. that test was so easy!! but i messed up on some of the short answers cuz i crammed info 5 min before the test instead of stayin up all night studying. shiiiit...fuck no! lmao! i always cram in that class. he lets us do test corrections anyways so it's all gooooood. lol! (it's good! lmao) and we turned that gay project in...yeah...totally failed that shit. lmao! cuz he told us (apparently) that we couldn't give gifts in it and i didn't know that!!!! (fucker! lmao) he's turning into a bad teacher, man!! he doesn't grade things right! he waits until last minute at the end of the grading period to grade things! he still hasn't graded a test we took a month ago!!!! ass! *laugh britny laugh!* ass! lmao!

well i'm going to end this now (i'm so scared right now. lmfao!)

all my love!!

Jessica N. Hack *peeeaaaace* lol!



Current Mood: wooo!! lol
Friday, April 15th, 2005
8:00 pm

aw wow!! i feel so effing good right now!! ugh!! there's no words to describe it! i don't know exactly why i feel like this but i have an idear why. ;-) i just feel so great!! *screams*screams again!* i just hope it all works out. if it doesn't aw well. i'll be fine. i always am. lol!

today was the festival of the arts by the way. it was great fun! i didn't have to go to third block or anything and so basicly all 2nd and 3rd was for me was singing. it was all great fun! i love to sing! sometimes i'm not too sure i'm such a good singer, but people tell me that i am so i'm all good. hehe! the whole time we were singing for the festival though, people couldn't hear us! i couldn't even hear us! the only people i heard were me, jessica, and kerri. that's it. i think that they should have put microphones in front of all of the whole chorus cuz you couldn't hear a damn thing! and then there was another problem cuz all of the quiet singers were at the front when the loud singers should have been up there singing. duh...cuz they are louder! i think that some people really didn't give a damn cuz it honestly seemed like there were 15 people singing tops! when there had to be AT LEAST 60 people up there. i'm not sure but there were alot! idk...we sounded great in the chorus room, but then we sucked outside. aw well....we would have probaby sounded good if we were in the auditorium or something;i just think that we could have done alot better outside. not being heard because of a keyboard is not an excuse; sorry everyone but it's not. there were at least 60 people standing up there and i'm sure that 60 can be heard w/o a microphone.

i'm makin this really long so i'm going to go now. don't get me wrong people, we were really good today. we just could have been better.

all my love,

Jessica N. Hack



Current Mood: accomplished
Saturday, April 9th, 2005
7:52 pm
Goodnight
By: Jessica Hack

You wouldn’t understand,
Cuz no one ever does.
It’s mine and only mine
And yours will come someday.

It’s not fair
It never is.
Just wait and see
You’ll see it all someday.

This pain I feel inside
It has tired me to the bone.
I ache when I breath
I die when I don’t.

Just take me away.
Just hold me tight.
Make me let go
Of all this pain inside.
Make me forgive
And take away my anger.
I’m tired now
So lay me down in ashes.

But it’s not all about me.
It’s not like I want it all to be.
I’m not conceited
And I’m not ashamed.

I love you dearest friend,
With all my heart and soul.
Without you in my life
I would have no life.
There would be no me.

Just take me away
Just hold me tight
Make me let go
Of all this pain inside
Make me forgive
And take away my anger
I’m tired now
So lay me down in ashes.

So dearest friend
Show me how to repay you
And I’ll take you away.
And I’ll hold you tight.
I’ll erase all of your pain inside.
I’ll take away your anger
I know you're tired now
So I'll lay you down in flowers.
I don't deserve you dearest.
So goodnight my love.
Goodnight.

Current Mood: tired
7:16 pm
i feel like running away. who wants to come w/ me? but where would we go??
*sighs* i think i only feel this way cuz i'm thinking about everything and all that's been going on in the past year, and all of the sudden....i'm tired. so who wants to escape from their lives??

it's a 10 but it's not like i'd ever admit to it. oh yeah, i just did.

goodbye.

all my love,
Jessica N. Hack

Current Mood: tired
7:06 pm

Survey about yourself, very very long!

Created by pinkaud and taken 270 times on bzoink!

Movies
Fav. RomancePearl Harbor
Fav. ComedyNapoleon Dynamite
Fav. HorrorRing2
Fav. Cartooni don't watch cartoons
Fav. Dramai don't know gah!
Fav. Actionvan helsing i guess. i dunno
Fav. Musicialphantom of the opera
Bands/Artist/Music
Fav. Boy Bandbackstreet boys hello! duh!
Fav. Girl Bandi don' thave one. that would be gay
Fav. b/g Bandi don't have one of those either
Fav. Female Artistmichelle branch
Fav. Male Artist
Fav. Love Songhmmm.....copeland-you have my attention
Fav. Head Banging Songdon't have one
Fav. Song that just makes sensesara mclachlan-building a mystery
Fav. Type of Musicdon't have a fav.
Books
Fav. Writerj.k. rowling
Fav. Romancedon't have one
Fav. Horrorall stephan king books
Fav. Actiondoes harry potter fall under action?
Fav. Dramathe lost soul's reunion
Fav. Children'snow i know harry potter falls under this!
Love
Who was the first guy/girl you Ever Likedjames miller
First bf/gfjames miller
Frist time being asked out was byfirst time the guy asked ME out instead of the other way around??...the asshole
Fav. bf/gfjake
Family
Do you have any brothers/sistersyes
If so, who are theyalan and tiffany
How old are your siblingsalan-14 tiffany-8
Do you look up to them or do they look up to youlook up to me
Friends
Funniestthey're all funny!
Sweetestthey're all sweet!
Prettiestthey're all beautiful!
Meanestif they were mean they wouldn't be my friends
Slutiestif they were sluts they wouldn't be my friends
Most Populari don't think there is a most popular one
Most Forgivingi don't know. lol we all love eachother
Most Jokingall of us! lol
Best Dressedall of us dress great but britny is most unique
Most Boringnobody
Worst Dressednobody
Least Popularnobody
Oldestme
Newestme. lol (in the 8th grade)
Closestall of us are close
Furthestnobody
Most Loyalall of us
Least Loyalnobody
Most Funall of us are fun! hello didn't i get asked this question already?!
Do you love your friends and spending time with them or like being alonei love my friends and spending time with them. we all need to be alone sometimes.
Can people Trust youyes. tell me to keep my mouth closed and i'll do it.
Goals
What do you want to do for a livingmost likely a journalist (writer)
Where are you going to collegeprobably catawba or st. louis
Do plan on marryingyes
Do you want kidsyes
How far in schooling do you want to gostill compromising
Sports
Fav. to watchfootball and baseball (i'd much rather play bball than watch)
Fav. to playbasketball
What sports do you playnone at the moment.
What sports do you hatesoccer
Do you want to play in high school, college, professionalno. maybe highschool but doubt it
Food
Fav. Foodpizza
Fav. Drinkcoke, pepsi, or dr. pepper
Fav. Meatmeat from zarda's baby!
Fav. Veggieidk..i'll eat any veggie
Fav. Fruitkiwi or strawberries
Fav. Breadwheat
Fav. Desserticecream w/ whip cream, chocolate, and strawberries
Fav. flavor of Ice Creamchocolate, vanilla, or strawberry
Color
Fav. Colorblack and dark red (nearly burgundy)
Pastels?dark greens and blues
Fav. Pastel--
Earth Tones?browns and oranges
Fav. Earth tone--
Brights?--
Fav. Bright--
School
Fav. Teacherstirewalt and andrews
Fav. Subjectenglish
Fav. School?a.l. brown baby!
Fav. Clubjournalism
Fav. Orginzation--
Fav. School Luch Menui don't eat lunch at school
Enternet
Fav. websitei don't have a favorite
Do you have an online journalyes
Did you like this Surveysure why not?

Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!



Current Mood: blah
5:58 pm
"Take Me Away"

I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside; all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do, you do, if you knew
What would you do

[Chorus:]
All the pain I thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away

I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around this
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands

[Chorus]

I'm going nowhere (on and on and)
I'm getting nowhere (on and on and on)
Take me away
I'm going nowhere (on and off and off and on)
(and off and on)

[Chorus]

Take me away
Break me away
Take me away

Current Mood: content
Thursday, April 7th, 2005
12:30 am
goodnight

wow. today was ok....i guess. kinda uneventful but that's ok. it's 12:30...middle of the night...and i'm laying here in bed thinking about everything that is going on in my life. my grades (how i'm worried sick about them as if they are a loving relative cuz i'm a friggin geek), my friends (oh how i love you guys!!), the friends i'm rebuilding relationships with (like ulises. i love you man. you've always been there for me through thick and thin. i hope we still talk after you graduate this year), and the friends that will be graduating and leaving us this may (like ulises, myranda, emy, and erika...*tears!*), and the friends that won't be around next year (like newby *sniffle*tear* i'll miss you, buddy!!!! love you!), and i'm also thinking about how i feel about myself in general actually. i think about what i like about myself and what i don't. so basicly i think about what i want to change. nothing is wrong, however. i love my life and i love all of my friends more than anything in this entire world. especially my g/f's (like i told you guys....i will love you two more than ANY guy i ever date! men will come in and out of our lives for a long time, but it is your g/f's that remain constant. the friends you make in high school are the ones you will keep forever. i love you guys!)

anywho....

got to talk to matt today. that was cool. we talk alot and i have fun talking to him. he's my buddy; my friend. he didn't talk much today though for some reason. i'd say something and he'd just say,"lol" or something. i mean we talked for a while but some parts of the time that's all he would do. then he had to go and we said our goodnights.....

i like sayin goodnight to him though for some reason. don't know why though. it actually kinda helps me to sleep at night to say goodnight to him. and it's either cuz we usually talk til god knows when or cuz that's exactly what i needed at this point in time....someone to tell me goodnight before i go to bed. mom doesn't tell me goodnight. she just goes to bed. i get to say goodnight to kerri and brit sometimes if i'm talking to them at that time of night but that's not very often, however we do talk alot on the comp. i haven't talked to kerri on here for a while though cuz i don't have aim anymore. i do, but it's on my phone and it's so slow, i just hate talking to people on there.

well i'm going to go now. i'm making this way too long! i usually do most of the time. i hope you all have a goodnight. i love all of you so much!!

all my love <3,

Jessica N. Hack

you threw my black roses in the dirt,

and made them cry with fear.

if all my thoughts could cry like this,

they'd cry the reddest tears.



Current Mood: peaceful
Monday, April 4th, 2005
7:24 pm
AW WOW!!! ok shutting up. i'm going to write now. lol.

Current Mood: silly
7:12 pm
*sighs* (good sigh!! not bad!!hehe XD) wow

i'm writing a song.i'll post it up later.
Sunday, April 3rd, 2005
11:01 pm
yeah this spring break has been great!! britny met this dude, matt, online over break and the trio got to talkin to him last night when brit and kerri stayed over at my house. it was all great fun! now we're all great friends! so much fun! i love meeting new ppl!! hehe!! <3

i saw a pic of him. he's wicked hawt!! lmao!!! he's real cool to talk to. phew...anywho.....

we have to go back to school tomorrow which sucks big fat arse!! maybe i'll skip. but i can't. i need to raise my grades really bad or my ass will belong to mommy and daddy. sux....but it's all good. i can do that w/ my eyes closed (get straight a's). it's so easy! but i'm not going to brag. i hate to brag. makes me feel concieted when i'm not. i just love myself more than any guys i've everdated. so therefore...if some guy that i date from now on ever treats me like shiat...then i'm just going to break up w/ him cuz i maybe love him...but i love me more. lmao!! i know...may not make sense to you or it might! but it makes sense to me. you need to put yourself before anyone that you ever date...or else you'll end up depressed all the time. love is a wonderful thing though....it can take you to a place you've never been before. (been there done that and i don't plan on going there again for a little while. hehe) well i gtg now. it's 11:37 at night and i have to get up at 6 or so to take my daily shower.

i love you guys!!

all my love,
Jessica N. Hack

Current Mood: chipper
Saturday, March 26th, 2005
7:28 pm
hello there.

it's been a while since i've updated and i'm sorry about that. i don't have a computer at home anymore due to viruses attacking my computer. it's like that comericial where one of the guys said,"nostradomis (if that's how you spell his name) said nothing about new viruses, so i'm cool." lmao. i love those commercials! hehe. anywho....

everything's been great...i guess. today and last night wasn't all too great. today would HAVE BEEN me and Irving's one yr anniversary. I knew something bad was going to happen around this day though cuz well....

terry just passed away last night. i think i should go now. i love you guys.

all my love,
Jess

:_-(

Current Mood: lonely
Thursday, March 10th, 2005
5:16 pm
i love my life

wow today was fun as hell!! i swear...i am so happy these days. i don't care about having a boy friend or anything like that! i just care about what i'm doing w/ my life and how all my friends are doing. (i love you guys so much! britny and kerri: when is that honeymoon?! i want pizza! lmao)you guys are so funny. w/o you my life would be boring. hehe. plus...i love making you guys all laugh. it's fun and it makes you guys happy and makes me happy as well. anywho...

today was pretty eventful. santa, kayla, and i all caught 2 people doin it in the drink machine room by the band and chorus rooms during 2nd block. it was nasty as hell. some big fat ass black chick and some tiny lil black dude. ugly as a mother fucker!! ew! anways....so mr. robinson had us three al go down to his office and fill out these forms telling them what we saw. and our names don't get out to ANYONE. so that's good. yeah...but i don't give a damn if my name gets out or not cuz everyone already knows who caught them. me, jessica, and kayla.

i got to talk to him today in 4th block. it was so damn funny. i love talking to him. he doesn't cuss or anything and it's not cuz of his daddy being a reverend and all. it's cuz he said that it's pointless; when you can just say real words to describe something why do you have to say one word that is actually quite general instead of descriptive?? that's how he put it...but....it's all good. he makes alot of sense. him and damaal got divorced today. lmao! (long story...it's just a joke between us that we came up w/ yesterday) and he killed damaal's baby cuz he left the baby in the car parking lot w/ the windows rolled up in 80 degree weather. lmfao!! so funny! my not sound too funny just by reading it on here but it was sooo funny when we were talking about it in class. hehe! i had to sign their divorce papers as a witness saying that i saw "him" sign it as well as damaal. hehe! funny. damaal keeps telling him that i like him when he needs to stop!! and damaal did tell him today and he just said,"she can't help it. i just always have that affect on people." we all just laughed. and then i said,"oooh so that's why damaal is so attracted to you still...even after the divorce and all." lmao! i can't wait to tell britny everything that happened. she's going to hold it against him in class. see cuz...she actually sits in front of him. i just sat there the past couple days cuz britny is at virginia beach until tomorrow morning. awwww....i miss her. i didn't get to see kerri today either. :( and i can't talk to her all weekend cuz she's grounded from the phone and the computer for 28 more days. sux ass. 

not everything is too great though. terry (chad's step dad) is in the hospital. he only has today to live. and if he's lucky he'll still be alive tomorrow. it's so sad. i cried last night but i'm ok. it's even sadder cuz he's been dying the past 3 years but finally his liver is failing on him. he's been in the hospital all week! today is his last day. mom wants me to go see him before he passes away but ican't do it. mom and dad made me go to see grandpa hack a couple weeks before he passed on and it killed me when he died. i didn't cry at the funeral though. i cry now though...cuz i miss him. i'm never going to see him again. he died when i was 12 years old and i will never see him again. never. i can still remember the way that he smelled when i gave him hugs at christmas. it's weird.....i feel as if he's still here. like he never left me and my family. maybe he still is here. maybe we never really...leave. we're always here, just not in the same form. i guess i'll just have to wait and see won't i? guess so. gtg now.  

all my love,

Jessica N. Hack



Current Mood: cheerful
Tuesday, March 8th, 2005
10:29 pm
omfg i just discovered copeland! and i am utterly obsessed now. lmfao!! o yes!!! i already know all the words to one of the songs. hehehehe! so if i'm singing all day tomorrow at school don't be surprised. lol.

so...he knows that i like him now. but only cuz damaal keeps telling him EVERY OTHER DAY! lmao. but damaal claims that he doesn't believe him. me and damaal thinks that he likes britny but she doesn't so it wouldn't matter anyways i guess. i dunno. she doesn't like him. lol. she likes *cough...i don't know. lol!!! she's in love w/ herself. and i'm in love w/ myself! aw wow! but i love all you guys! i love britny and i love kerri and i love emy and i love erika and ilove miranda and i love julia and i love santa. lmao!! awwww wow!

ineed to take my quilt to school when i'm all done and finished so that all my friends can sign it. it's sooo pretty! i love it! it's wicked hot! lmao. i love it. it's just blocks though. nothing fancy. but i feel so great cuz i did everything on my own! i cut the blocks i sewed them together! I DID IT ALL!!!! hehehehe! the first quilt i made all on my own. sospecial. hehe! well i gtg now.

all my love!
jessica

Current Mood: omg i effing love this band!!
Friday, March 4th, 2005
10:59 am

i don't need him. he treated me so badly. he has been ignoring me...more like avoiding...all week and i'm not going to put in effort to be his friend. i'm not getting myself hurt. i'm not going to break my own heart. i went through all this w/ irving and i'm not doing it again. i refuse to get hurt over and over again. some think that you can't outsmart getting hurt and i obviously think differently w/ my stubborn personality. heart break can be avoided and it will be. if he wants to be my friend then he can come to me and start talkin to me or w/e. we've been friends for so long, and it is stupid as hell that he can't grow up and stop being a little boy. i have to see him monday after school because the brown beat staff (school newspaper) is doing an last will and testament for the seniors. (if you're a senior at my school, go to the cafateria during lunch to get a form to fill out!!! it costs only a dollar!! *do it do it do it!*) so, yes, i have to see him on monday which means that we have to work together and actually communicate with eachother. we have to make posters and everything to get the job done. i feel so goal oriented right now! (i think i spelled oriented wrong. aw well.) jamie will be there also which is cool. i won't be there alone with him. i don't even like him like that anymore! i actually like *cough*...i'm not sayin any names. you'll have to ask brittany. lol. but he's oh so cute! he's white which is a plus. lmao. he's on the wrestling team. his daddy is a reverend or...something in that area. which means that he is religious which i love in SOME guys. he skates which i've always kinda liked....on SOME guys. oh and i love his hair! lmao!! and he's tall...taller than me which is good. and he's really smart too! he doesn't act....stupid. hehe. he's mature and i like that. he doesn't act like a "little boy". but...i don't need to date him or anything just yet. i am happy and content with my life at this point. i actually kind of enjoy being single. there are guys that ask me out and i just say,"no" cuz maybe i don't like them AT ALL or cuz they've been my friend for so long i just can't see it happening. *cough* justin (example). i just like talking to this guy right now. so far he seems really cool. i've liked him for goin on 3 weeks now. some ppl seem to think that irving was my first bf and that is NOT true. do i need to list? ok here you go since i think i need to since SOME ppl think that irving was my first bf: james, tyler, chad (7th grade! no NOT my mother's fiance!! gah! nasty ppl! lmao), and josh. chad gave me my first kiss. then josh kissed me. but irving gave me my first REAL kiss. (if two seconds in the gem theatre counts as  a real kiss. lol!! especially whenyour best friend is sitting there goin,"do it do it do it!! i want to see!" lmfao!! it's ok kerri....i'm glad you did that. well...at that point i was glad. now i regret going out w/ him all together.

i had one scary ass dream last week that made me have day-ja-vou (i think i spelled that wrong) in the court yard the other day!! scary as hell and weird also! it had to do w/ irving. i don't know why i dreamed about him. ew! i think it's cuz everyone's been talkin to me about how crystal and him are having problems and shit. nobody ever sees him happy anymore unless she's NOT around. that's what julia told me at least. and so did a few other ppl. i talked to tedder about it and she thinks that it's pretty effed up that he was complaining about how damn *quote* "controlling" i was when she just HAS TO spend every waking moment w/ him. maybe cuz she fucks him and i didn't until we broke up. hm.....maybe that's it. he needs some where to stick his dick. (LMFAO!) that's sad. everyone thinks he's on drugs too. which i wouldn't doubt actually. ms hardin sees it in him also and she's a smart woman. mean as hell...but smart!! and she sees that stuff in teenagers really well. she always has. working 50 yrs in a highschool you're going to start seeing it. and she sees it in him. everyone sees it;even i. and i told julia that i do think that they're about to end (which i have to admit does make me kinda sad. i don't know why...it just...DOES. i told kristen this;i think it's sad when pretty much ANYONE breaks up) because when i see them together he has this look on his face and believe it or not i've seen that look before. it ws the look he always had afterschool when we started FIRST having problems. when we'd have small arguments that turned into big arguments. he never threatened to break up with me....he hid it.  but the thing that was ALWAYS there was that look. and that's the look he has now being w/ her. am i right??

aw well...this world sucks. but i am happy and content. (like i already said) i have no attatchments on me besides my friends that i love w/ all my heart!! i'm never letting you guys go! and i know what i want to do with my life, which i love! not many people get to do what they love as they're job! but i will. i will get to write and be creative. i love that. i'm happy.

all my love,

Jessica N. Hack



Current Mood: content
Sunday, February 27th, 2005
10:03 pm
gah. i'm so fucking stupid! I MISS HIM! WHY?! MY GOD! HE SAID MEAN THINGS ABOUT ME AND I FUCKING MISS HIM!

i hate him. i hate him cuz he's here. i hate him cuz i miss him and i don't want to anymore!! that's it.

the end.

(i need a soundtrack for my life. one song that would go in it: welcome to my life)

Current Mood: blah
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